Who Am I? The Beginning

As I finally have an hour to myself, lying here outside in the sunshine, I am going to start giving it a go putting words down about my post-natal journey. In my opinion one of the biggest changes in life. Yes, we talk about pregnancy and birth A LOT. However, the hard part is after, when you have a tiny human depending on you for the rest of your life and you feel like your world will never be the same again. 

The word matrescence, sums up what I will be sharing. Matrescence is the intense process of becoming a mother, involving the physical, emotional, hormonal and social transition. Everything we do not think about on entering the ‘fourth trimester’ as some would say. I should also add, I experienced post-natal depression and anxiety, to me which while in the middle of it felt like I was never going to get better. But here I am feeling more myself everyday (take it from me if you are in a difficult place right now, it can and will get better). Even as scary and uncomfortable it may be to share my story into motherhood, I want to in hope that others resonate and feel even one ounce of courage, support or clarity that they are not alone on this tremendous but overwhelming path of becoming a mother. 

The spiral that began...

If any of this resonates with you in any way, please read on in hope you find a little less solus within.

Firstly, let me introduce myself, my name is Whensday Bake, I am 28 years old and I became a Mother to a beautiful girl, Nella. I have the most understanding and supportive husband, Nathan, and we also have two fur babies. 

I am a Clinical Nurse Specialist in Paediatrics and Neonates (which yes, you would think would make having a child easy, but think again and we’ll touch on this later). I love my job and find it an absolute privilege to help sick babies and children. I worked full time before Nella and was always doing something if not at work. To paint the picture for you, Nathan and I are those crazy people that renovate till midnight and then go to work the next day, or have a large weekend with mates followed up by a footy competition. Simply we work hard so we can play hard. 

I am that optimist, happy go lucky person that can sometimes be annoying. I really do believe in the ‘you only live once’ phenomena and … wait…

Change that earlier comment of being alone, my husband just walked Nella outside. The new normal of never quite being alone. As Nathan would say “well you have the boobs”. Yes, I do but a little alone time occasionally is good for the soul. Anyway, with a little companion by my side we will kick on and put pen to paper bit by bit.

As I was saying I am the individual that likes to look on the bright side and work hard for what I have. So, when my unconscious expectations and vision of motherhood didn’t quite hit the mark, I felt like I must have failed. 

Nella is absolutely perfect (as we all think our children are) so I kept pondering what is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

There are all these books, apps and even education sessions that you can access about ‘what to expect, when expecting’. But WHAT ABOUT AFTER? What about when you have had the baby and that baby is now your full responsibility for the rest of your life and you simply can’t get your head around that. That is what this online blog reflects...

the AFTER.

Whenny