The Femal Body

What no one tells you after birth.

We are educated and supported through pregnancy and childbirth, however, how many of you ladies can tell me you were given information about post birth? I dare say it is a very small amount if any of you.

I am a Nurse and I was still shocked at multiple things post the big event.

Firstly, approximately half an hour after Nella was born, I stepped off the bed in birth suite and had a shower. With Nathan holding Nella and my midwifes tidying up the room, I was all alone in the ensuite, having a shower by myself. Did I mention, by myself. Wow. I think this is crazy. I just pushes this little human the size of a watermelon out of my vagina, which is still leaking blood and I am allowed without supervision to give myself a shower.

Mind you it felt beautiful to stand there with the warm water running down my exhausted body. Also, you aren't paying for that water ladies, take your darn time in there! If ever you deserve a 15 minute long shower now is the time. But I remember thinking to myself, is this safe? My next thought though was wow, how incredible am I to pop a baby out and then walk around. Woman are amazing!

Secondly, the amount you continue to bleed throughout the next week or so is outrageous. They say it can be up to 6 weeks. Although, when you think about it, very understandable and logical the body does. You just had your placenta torn off your uterus wall. There is a significant wound inside you, the size of a dinner plate or bigger.

However, I don’t know about you but for me as I ‘couldn’t see’ this physical wound I tended to forget about it. Talking to myself “Get out and go for a walk”, “Do you really need that heat pack again”, “I look back to normal, why can’t I do this, why can’t I do that”.

Why couldn’t I be more self-compassionate. These thoughts tended to lead me down a rabbit hole of critically judging myself. I think social media and our western culture pressures us to feel like we should spring out of bed with a full face of makeup and go out for a wine with our girlfriends the day after we birth a child. Yet, this is definitely not the case and I think this is when crucial self-analysis and judgement begin to creep in. I digress, I’ll speak about society and culture another time.

Top tip for this bleeding as I was always a tampon user but obviously after birthing a baby you don’t want to be shoving anything up there. I liked the period undies and then a pad on top. This gave me confidence that even not knowing what the day may bring I was safe and I could simply change the pad as needed or be okay if I was out and forgot. Also, using the period undies I could place the long finger shaped icepacks on top and underneath my pad, and there would be no worries with the icepack melting/leaking. With the added benefit I used the icepacks more often because of ease of use and this definitely helped with discomfort and inflammation.

Top tip ICE ICE BABY! God it makes a world of difference. Trust me.

Although I can’t complain about my physical recovery, I still wanted to push like I did before Nella was born. Thinking ‘I can bounce back quick’. Well, no, our bodies are not aware of timelines or expectations, and a large trauma has just occurred.

It takes a MINIMUM 6 weeks to heal your dinner plate wound. That is a minimum Mumma’s. So slow down! Truly look after yourself, there is no rush to do anything. It takes 9 long months to grow a baby, why would the recovery be miraculously short compared to this? It shouldn’t and isn’t.

I now know our bodies need extensive time to recover and there is no need to push, we just have to be able to sit in the recovery/rejuvenating phase and be okay with it. Introspectively, seems easy looking back and not in the moment but if I had of embraced a slower pace, more skin to skin, more couch and cuddle, book time, television time, maybe I would have not struggled as much mental health wise.

Anyway, I saw a pelvic floor physiotherapist shortly after Nella was born as I felt this was important. When I told her Nella is two weeks old, I am out walking, running and tried sexual intercourse (touch on this in a second), she grilled me! In the nicest way possible, she said that was not okay. She continued to explain with in some cultures they don’t let the Mother care for the baby properly alone or have extended periods of time out of bed until ONE YEAR post-partum. Through her many explanations I began to understand I need to be kind to myself and it is okay to take my time physically. I SHOULD take my time to recover.

Having sex as one of Nathan and I’s love languages we were very early to get back on the saddle as it were. Also not feeling the best mental health wise I felt the intimacy would help fill my cup as it always did. However, on the first couple attempts, it felt so god-damn tight. I always thought growing up, I will have a caesarean for sure because I did not want a quote unquote “lose vagina”. I can safely say it does not work that way. Talking with many friends about this too, they and I are all in agreeance somehow everything feels tighter. So, girl to girl, don’t stress about that.

More on the sex front too, because this is the advice no one will give you and I am going to lay it all out for you in this blog. Use lube. Lubrication for a while after birth is key!! Something to do with decreased estrogen levels that can lead to reduced natural lubrication. Also, breast feeding can cause increased vaginal dryness too, as the estrogen is forcing on milk production. Babies take all the good stuff! Thus, trust me, use the lube.

Top tip use lube!

The pelvic floor physiotherapist to my surprise regarding sex said “go for it”, in other words if anything it will help the pelvic floor move up. In shock and excitement, I replied to her with “dear lordy, don’t tell my husband that” hahhah. Between that knowledge and the big boobs from breast feeding, Nathan would have a field day.

Speaking of pelvic floors this is your reminder ladies don’t forget those pelvic floor exercises. A clench and pause every now and then during urination is as good exercise and test to do as any.

Whenny