Pregnancy & Childbirth
Updated: 2 days ago
Where do I begin. Well let’s start by briefly going ‘blah’ about the fact the minute you announce you are pregnant, you are bombarded by unnecessary advice, opinions and judgement about your pregnancy journey and impending birth. From anyone and everyone.
Some lovely comments I received…
“You are definitely having a boy, you are carrying in your arse”.
“You may struggle with labour you are small”.
“You have definitely put weight on in your face”.
“Are you trying to hide your pregnant belly”.
“Birth is so painful, you’ll have drugs for sure”.
This makes me really mad and upset.
Why as women are we supplying negative stories and thoughts to one another? To make ourselves feel better? Or simply bring your friend down a peg?
I can’t count on both my hands and feet the amount of people that uninvitingly shared their traumatic birth with me.
Why can’t we empower each other? Why do we not say “hey you’ve got this, you’ll kick arse at bringing a baby into the world” or “however you bring your baby into the world is special”.
As women I believe we should build each other up, as the journey is what we make it.
The word and mantra I tried to embody during my pregnancy and birth was gratitude. I wanted to remain positive. Blocking everyone else’s opinion out, I wanted to stay focused on the fact I am thankful for falling pregnant and I am beyond grateful to experience childbirth.
Reflecting back, there is so many things to feel gratified for, the midwifes and doctors, the hospital and resources, family and friend’s support, and the raw power the female body has. For any woman that has experienced child birth, whatever way shape or form, go you! I hope you take a moment to reflect on what an incredible bad ass you are.
On a slight tangent, I would like to declare I am a strong believer that whether you fall pregnant and have your own child, adopt or foster children, the most important experience of having children is nurturing and loving them. I am very passionate that giving a child a safe home is the best thing we can do as parents. Also, as I am learning, although parenting is the most rewarding and gratifying experience, it is also HARD. And that is okay to say. I think we need to talk more openly about how incredible but hard it can be at times. We should check in on our friends and family, we should pass no judgement or unnecessary opinions. Not saying I am an angel and don’t judge, we are all human but don’t do it out loud, no one needs to know. Moral of this tangent, be kind to yourself and others.
Another thing I found was as soon as you are pregnant and have a round belly, suddenly society assumes it is okay to touch your body. To walk over and place their hand directly on your tummy like it is a completely normal thing to do. Without asking. Yes, it’s exciting and amazing how the female body can bring new life into the world, however, does that give you the right to physically touch me without permission? I am a big hugger and my love language for Nathan, family and even friends is touch. However, I would not touch someone else’s belly without asking. Especially if we are mere acquitance or better yet strangers. One day at work, I would have been about twenty weeks pregnant and had an obvious little bump under my scrubs. I introduced myself to a patient on my morning round, a middle-aged lady and her immediate action when she saw my bump was to put her hand out and rub my stomach. A patient. I don’t know. I had to fight myself not to slap her hand away but slowly step backwards. I was so shocked that this moment has stayed with me and I frequently tell friends about it, in hope they think before they may touch someone else’s unborn child.
Speaking of physical appearance, I hated being pregnant. Physically I felt fine, apart from the obvious hardship of putting your undies, socks or shoes on. But mentally, I found it such a challenge. I hated that my body was changing and did not feel like myself. Of course, I knew the logic, my body is going to change, I am growing a human being for goodness’ sake. Yet that truth still was not enough to separate the connection I have between my body and my identity.
I am a naturally fit person and love to be active. Active when happy, sad, mad or glad. So, when my body was morphing to grow a baby I really struggled. I now know many friends that battled this joy of pregnancy but angst of body transformation once bringing the subject up. It is surprisingly common. You are NOT alone. It is hard and it is different but even though you many not hold onto this truth ‘you are literally bringing life into the world and you are beautiful’!
We had a surprise, which I absolutely loved. Nella surprised everyone that she was a girl. Everyone said we were having a boy and I have come to the conclusion that they stereotyped Nathan and I to having a busy, adventurous life and that a boy would be a better fit. Maybe I am thinking too much into this but I would say approximately ninety-five percent thought we were having a male. So, when Nella came along a beautiful little female, I did feel a slight well surprise mother tr*ckers moment. All part of the amazing surprise. Thinking back, I could not recommend a surprise more, it gives you something to hold onto and look forward to while you are in pain pushing a baby out. Not saying you won’t look forward to the babe being out when you are giving birth but it is a very good distraction for all involved and just a feeling almost indescribable. The best real surprise you’ll ever have. The stupendous suspense. Anyway, hold me to it, have a surprise!
Nella was induced one week early as we were measuring small the entire pregnancy. Once induced Nella was out within four and a half hours via a normal vaginal delivery with a little gas. Woweee. If any woman says to you, childbirth did not hurt, they are flat out lying. So much pain but very worth it in the end. Plus, when people say ‘it hurts but you forget soon as you hold your baby’, well for me this was not the case, it took time to heal and view my little alien Nella as a cute little human I courageously brought into the world. So, if you are currently reading this and looking at your baby, thinking ‘you did this to me’, hang in there it’s get better.
Again, another comment that was repeated to me before and after Nella’s birth, that really offended me and continues to give me the irritates, and mind you by someone close to me.
“If the labour is not at least twenty-four hours then you haven’t experienced proper child birth”.
Okay, well number one thought there was how rude, stuff you and number two how would you know how it felt for me. No matter what any woman’s delivery looked like their body has still been through a trauma just the same. Plus, to physically get a newborn out we all reach the inevitable threshold of pain, whether that is short or long, normal delivery or caesarean.
Plus, again why wish ill of a friend or family member. I truly can’t understand the logic behind trying to scare or put someone down around such a beautiful but vulnerable time in a woman’s life. Anyway, so to anyone else out there that wants to comment on someone’s birth, get nicked!
All in all, I liked being induced, I had a date, time and plan. I had the people I wanted there, my husband and my awesome midwife. I was prepared to give it ago and see how it went. I am an active person so I wanted to bring that into the labour and focus on moving for distraction. I did this for quite some time and then became fatigued so I ended up on the floor on all fours (I had heard that birthing on your back in bed is a sure way to tear and I wasn’t going to risk that).
Top tip for not tearing, if possible, merely listen to your ‘midwife’. They know best.
On all fours I felt quite comfortable and could push well. I did feel quite animalistic down on the floor but what people do not tell you is, you ARE going to feel animalistic with the grunt, groan or scream you do with each push. What absolute agony it is, but also what absolute shear power. Growing and extracting a tiny human from your body, could you be anymore amazed.
Whatever way you delivered your baby, take a moment while reading this to give yourself a big hug. Well done you strong, brilliant and fierce woman. Give yourself credit!!
A quick shout out to all those amazing midwives! The time and care they provide, and not to mention the positions they had to get themselves in to place monitoring on or complete an examination is purely a testament to their love for bringing life into the world.
To this day I do not think I have processed Nella’s birth. What an utter trip. Now reflecting back, it feels like it went in the blink of an eye but then it felt like forever.
I suppose I also feel like I have not really had time to process which I am sure many feel the same. You birth bubs and then go home to dive straight into the deep end of being responsible for this little human and keeping them alive.
Whenny
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